Christmas Letter Spoof

white and black printer paper

    Greetings to all my family and friends,

    You have been in my thoughts, even though many of you I haven’t seen this year. It would be wonderful to see all of you. Perhaps next year.

    The monotony of the horrible winter and a short, late spring was broken for me when I won the Publisher’s Clearing House give away — yes they really do give all that money away. I received $150,000.00 at once plus a weekly payment of $525.00, for life. Even after the hungry IRS took their cut I was left with a nice tidy bank account My accountant, reliable, I hope,will be advising me on investments, etc.

    I’m going to be building a new home, because with all this money, I can’t continue living in this low rent apartment. I’m not sure how big it will be, but I do know it will have more than one bedroom and it will also have a laundry room.

    Even with all this money, life isn’t all rosy. People from all over the world are asking for money for all kinds of worthy causes. One pompous person even wanted a donation to pay for the removal of an ingrown toenail, because he had no insurance.

    I’m seriously considering moving with no forwarding address. If my phone has been disconnected and letters returned, you will know why.

    This summer, I decided I didn’t want white hair anymore, so I decided to color it a nice auburn. Only it didn’t turn out to be a nice auburn — it was a carrot orange, horrible! What a shock! I’ve had it cut very, very short and have been wearing a white wig. I guess Mother Nature does know best and I don’t think that I will question her again.

    Last Spring I drove to Phoenix. I was very uneasy while driving through El Paso. I had no visible reason for this and have never felt this way any where else that I’ve driven. I know the Mexican border is right there, but I’ve crossed into Mexico and never had that feeling. Regardless of this un-easiness, I drove therough El Paso with no mishaps, but certainly with a sense of relief.

    The water in Lake Superior was so high this year, the beaches were nearly non-existant. This was a disappointment because I love walking on the sand and looking for glass; which can be made into pictures or jewelry.

    This year also saw the demise of my little dog, Tuffy. Can you believe, he had Alzheimers, with lots of the same symptoms as humans. He had had it for a long time, only we attributed his actions to old age; he was nearly 14. I’ve been asked if there will be another pet. The answer is written in stone: No More Pets!! I am too old to deal with a puppy and I don’t want one from the shelter. Besides a pet, even though they add a lot of enjoyment, also tie you down. You can’t always take them with you and it isn’t always easy to find a caregiver. Been there, done that, and this is the last one.

    I’m still writing and I want to get Tuffy’s stories edited so I can have them published.That is going to take quite a lot of work.

    Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year — don’t imbibe too much and stay warm. Have a wonderful 2015.

    Love to all,

    Harriett